MAID IN ENGLAND
TO: The guy who dumped me because of my career
FROM: The woman hired to save yours
RE: I am 150,000% over you.
I’m on the 11:14 train out of London, so I’ll be there by 3:00. To make this as painless as possible, I thought it would help to establish key ground rules:
No rehashing our past relationship. Yes, we were engaged, but it’s been twelve years and I’m over you.
I’m very good at my job and that job is to help you shed the “reclusive” part of the whole “reclusive rock star” vibe you’ve got going on. Brace yourself.
My plan is to have this wrapped up by Friday, so save your smoldering looks until I’m gone, please. (I assume you still smolder?) I’m immune now. See item #1.
My cousin is getting married and guess who's a bridesmaid? Funny, huh? Almost as funny as the fiancée you dumped because you thought she was married to her job now saving yours.
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Except almost. That one time.
P.S. Have I mentioned I’m totally, completely 150,000% over you?