MAID IN ENGLAND
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TO: The guy who dumped me
FROM: The woman hired to advance your career
RE: I am 150,000% over you.
I’m on the 11:14 train out of London, so I’ll be there by 3:00. To make this as painless as possible, I thought it would help to establish key ground rules:
No rehashing our past relationship. Yes, we were engaged, but it’s been twelve years and I’m over you.
I’m very good at my job and that job is to help you shed the “reclusive” part of the whole “reclusive rock star” vibe you’ve got going on. Brace yourself.
My plan is to have this wrapped up by Friday, so save your smoldering looks until I’m gone, please. (I assume you still smolder?) I’m immune now. See item #1.
I’ll see you in a few hours.
P.S. My cousin is getting married at the beginning of August. Guess who’s a bridesmaid? Funny, huh? Almost as funny as the fiancé you dumped because you thought she was married to her job now saving yours. Have I mentioned I’m totally, completely 150,000% over you?